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Inside ACO's Poetic Mind
Sand in the Palm of my Hand
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I'm no expert in relationships. That is why I wonder why people come to me to ask for advice. It's not that I am complaining. In fact, I do enjoy listening to other people when they pour out their heartaches. I remember most of my friends telling me that I should've pursued a degree in psychology and become a therapist. I just shrug it off and smile whenever I hear comments like that. At one point in time, I did consider taking up psychology. But I chickened out when I saw that the curriculum included Math 11 and 14 plus Statistics. I really do fear Math, you know. So, I took Sociology and Philippine Literature instead. Thus, you can see the strands of those two disciplines with the way I write.

I believe that the writer cannot be separated from her social milieu. I, for one thing, write stories and poems that I have actually experienced. A glimpse of the environment that I am in is reflected in my stories.

Just this moment, I came across a quotation which compared a relationship to a sand held in our hand. It says that if we held it loosely in an open hand, it stays where it is. But the minute we close our hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand cascades through our fingers. We may still have bits and pieces of the sand in our hand but most of it will be thrown.

It made me think real hard. In an instant, it made me think about my present relationship. Have I been holding the sand in my hand too tightly that it nearly cascaded through my fingers without me even noticing it? Yes, I have. Specially when the pangs of loneliness and insecurity creeps the hell out of me.

Funny, I have long been telling friends not to hold the sand too tightly for they might lose everything that is left in the palm of their hands.  But I, too, am guilty of the one thing I preach them not to do. Sigh, suffice it to say that when the time comes that we let our old habits control us, when we are not aware of our feelings and the root cause of all those fears, we are lost. We succumbed to our weaknesses, let doubts and all those negative feelings overpower us. That is when the sand in our hand truly cascades until we no longer have a bit of it in the palm of our hand.

I definitely do not want it to happen to me. Not with the one person I love most in my life.

So, I will always be aware that a relationship is like a sand held in my hand. In Kaleel Jamison's words:

"Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost."

Abigail Cruz Oliva